The One Who Called You Is Faithful

When giving up isn't an option.

TRUSTGRIEF

As we enter this Passover Sabbath, I feel the familiar pressing of the Holy Spirit to share what's on my heart. This time last month the world felt upside down. When unimaginable things happen the grief collapses over your heart in layers like a house of cards.

There are no perfect people and there are no perfect relationships, but it doesn't cancel the relationship that was. My husband was 37, he had so much life ahead of him and he lived in such fear. Fear that was so much deeper and darker than even I knew. He was my closest friend and I his. We shared all the depths of our hearts with each other. We knew each other in that way that no one else could.

He had shared with me abuse in his childhood. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, bullying, and a life full of near death experiences. I believe the enemy knew what he was capable of accomplishing for the kingdom and sought to destroy him from the beginning.

When he shared stories with me, I could see the hand of the Father holding him. I could see the protection and provision. But he was most afraid of the very One he needed to seek. The truth is that the God of catholicism is NOT the God of the Bible.

He did believe in the God that was presented to him as a child and he sought help from God. But, as I well know, the Father meets our needs in ways that are higher and more complete than we can imagine and almost never the way we think it will happen.

His eyes were blinded, His hearing was distorted. His heart was entangled. His soul was shattered, He was more tender and bruised than even I knew. This doesn't excuse things he did that were wrong but by the Fathers mercy I can see that darkness oppressed and misguiding him.

I have spent countless moments, even hours going over and over the what ifs, the could have's, the maybe if's, the why didn't I's, and I wish's in my mind. And the Father has been patient and gracious with me. I have asked him the deep and the hard questions and He has been faithful to answer in gentleness. There aren't days that pass that I don't have to lay guilt, shame or thoughts of unworthiness down at the foot of the cross.

The truth is this... The Father is merciful, loving and gentle but He is also just, fair and sovereign. All of this requires faith, because we can not see as the Father sees. Even when we think we have all the information, we do not. This is why we have to be still and know that He is God.

May this bless your heart, beloved,
Sarah

If this post blessed you, if you have a testimony to share, or if you just want to connect, email me: sarah@scripturekeepers.halleluyahpress.com

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